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Respondent Type: Anonymous Response  Collector: Young Male Abused by Older Female Collector (Web Link)
Custom Value: emptyIP Address: empty  
Response Started: Tuesday, September 4, 2012 10:41:42 PM   Response Modified: Tuesday, September 4, 2012 10:58:22 PM
1. Because this subject matter can veer into taboo subject and confessions, it is completely anonymous. Absolutely no personal information is being gathered about you - only your responses to these questions - not even the I.P. address of your computer. My hope is this freedom will enable you to unload your shame and allow others to see they are not alone. Please come up with a nickname to hide your identity in the event I read your responses on the show. If you are feeling suicidal PLEASE call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255.
2. Choose any of the following that apply
I am a male who fantasizes about sexual situations with a much older female
I am a male who has been seduced by a much older female
I am a male who has been molested by a much older female
3. Please describe what happened and the ages of those involved. If it is a fantasy describe what you would like to happen and the ages of those involved in the fantasy.
At 13, I was staying with my best friend and his mom at their cabin, she was 40. She got me drunk on peach schnaps and had sex with me on the deck. She proceeded to have a "relationship" with me for about a year. At 15, almost immediately after things ended with Mom #1, a different friend's Mom had sex with me when I was staying over at their house. This continued for several months.
4. If something happened, did you ever tell anyone? Did you think it was normal? Do you believe it has had any affect on you?
When i was in my early 20s, I actually bragged about it. It was only when I started to come to grips with other abuse in my childhood did I come to understand how fucked up their behavior was. I left home at 14 due to the abuse of my parents, which also had fucked up sexual stuff involved. I continue to have issues around intamacy and trust. Mom #1 made me feel safe and understood while I was going through the worst of my puberty. I hold her in a great deal of contempt of taking advantage of a young kid who needed anything but being taken advantage of.
5. Remembering these things, what feelings come up? Sadness, anger, regret, sexual excitement, fondness, longing, shame, etc.
All of the above.
6. Do you feel any damage was done, it was innocent and natural, or somewhere in between?
I continue to seek out relationships where sex and flirting is confused with intimacy and where I will never feel the safety and understanding that I need.
7. If you have never experienced one of the above situations, and it is only a fantasy, how does that fantasy make you feel? Do you feel it is something that might happen some day?
The body type of Mom #1: busty, short, and on the heavy side, continues to be my "type"
8. What best describes the environment you were raised in?
Totally Chaotic
9. Have you ever been the victim of sexual abuse outside of events described here?
Yes and I never reported it
10. What gender are you?
11. Are you gay, straight, bisexual or asexual (not interested in either sex)?
12. How old are you?
13. If you broke any laws, did anyone ever find out?
14. Do you have any comments or suggestions to make the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast better?
Just be good to yourself. I can only speak for myself, but your podcast has been a big help to me. I feel less alone in the world because of it.