|Respondent Type: Anonymous Response ||Collector: Young Male Abused by Older Female Collector (Web Link)|
|Custom Value: empty||IP Address: empty |
|Response Started: Wednesday, November 6, 2013 12:08:07 PM ||Response Modified: Wednesday, November 6, 2013 12:15:02 PM|
1. Because this subject matter can veer into taboo subject and confessions, it is completely anonymous. Absolutely no personal information is being gathered about you - only your responses to these questions - not even the I.P. address of your computer.
My hope is this freedom will enable you to unload your shame and allow others to see they are not alone. Please come up with a nickname to hide your identity in the event I read your responses on the show. If you are feeling suicidal PLEASE call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255.
2. Choose any of the following that apply
|I am a male who has been molested by a much older female|
3. Please describe what happened and the ages of those involved. If it is a fantasy describe what you would like to happen and the ages of those involved in the fantasy.
|I was 14 and she was maybe 36? She was married and had kids and lived in our general area. This was back in the days before the internet and local network of computers Called BBSes were more in use.
I ended up meeting her via messages on one of these and one day when my dad was working but she was off she came by. I told my sister this was a family friend and she hung out at my place. She brought me wine but I didn't want to go through with it. Not because I wasn't horny.. I was a 14 year old.. I was very much so, but because I found her hideous. She was old and overweight.
I knew she'd driven that far out there and took such a chance, and also I didn't want to hurt her feelings or disappoint her (Screwed up right?), so I went through with it.
It was awful. I pretended to break down just to get her to leave even though I didn't finish. Before she left she asked me "But what am I going to do for the rest of the day?" and I was so mad that she was trying to make that my problem. I felt like *I* was the real adult in the situation only I was operating off of some messed up wiring.
4. If something happened, did you ever tell anyone? Did you think it was normal? Do you believe it has had any affect on you?
|Later she tried to contact me but I told her my dad found out and if she ever did again he was going to tell the police. My dad didn't know, I was just ashamed and didn't want anyone else to know.
My parents still don't know. I'm 35 now|
5. Remembering these things, what feelings come up? Sadness, anger, regret, sexual excitement, fondness, longing, shame, etc.
|Shame and sadness mostly. I'm tearing up a little and I really wasn't expecting that. I thought I had this aspect of my past well under control but I suppose not.|
6. Do you feel any damage was done, it was innocent and natural, or somewhere in between?
|Yes, but I don't know how much of it was from that or other things or if I was just faulty to begin with. A lot of my early life is pretty hazy.|
7. If you have never experienced one of the above situations, and it is only a fantasy, how does that fantasy make you feel? Do you feel it is something that might happen some day?
8. What best describes the environment you were raised in?
9. Have you ever been the victim of sexual abuse outside of events described here?
|Some stuff happened but I don't know if it counts as sexual abuse|
|I just have vague rumblings of things happening to me in childhood but I don't remember anything and my family doesn't really talk about the past|
11. Are you gay, straight, bisexual or asexual (not interested in either sex)?
13. If you broke any laws, did anyone ever find out?
14. Do you have any comments or suggestions to make the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast better?