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Respondent Type: Anonymous Response  Collector: Young Male Abused by Older Female Collector (Web Link)
Custom Value: emptyIP Address: empty  
Response Started: Sunday, October 14, 2012 11:06:32 PM   Response Modified: Sunday, October 14, 2012 11:23:57 PM
1. Because this subject matter can veer into taboo subject and confessions, it is completely anonymous. Absolutely no personal information is being gathered about you - only your responses to these questions - not even the I.P. address of your computer. My hope is this freedom will enable you to unload your shame and allow others to see they are not alone. Please come up with a nickname to hide your identity in the event I read your responses on the show. If you are feeling suicidal PLEASE call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255.
2. Choose any of the following that apply
I am a male who fantasizes about sexual situations with a much older female
3. Please describe what happened and the ages of those involved. If it is a fantasy describe what you would like to happen and the ages of those involved in the fantasy.
When I was younger (forget how young but under 13), my aunt asked me if I wanted her to strip for me. She was and is an attractive woman and I did want to see her naked, but was young and very sheltered and scared of getting in trouble. I declined her offer and quickly scurried away. Hours later, her two daughters and I were hanging out together and they stripped, touched each other and ran around, eventually trying to touch me. Again, I was terribly torn but scared to get in trouble, so I ran away.
4. If something happened, did you ever tell anyone? Did you think it was normal? Do you believe it has had any affect on you?
I don't think it should have been terribly scarring. It probably explains the desire I have to be with older women. I have never actually been with an older woman, I'm too nervous to ever talk to one at a bar. But I constantly fantasize about bosses, teachers, and even my friends mothers. I only ever masturbate to older women. I refuse to put myself in an awkward situation with my cousins now. We've grown up, we're pretty close and we've never discussed what happened, or anything to do with our families. Still, won't go swimming with them or anything where I would see them in little clothing.
5. Remembering these things, what feelings come up? Sadness, anger, regret, sexual excitement, fondness, longing, shame, etc.
Confusion. In the back of my mind part of me is still turned on by my aunt.
6. Do you feel any damage was done, it was innocent and natural, or somewhere in between?
I feel like the thing with my cousins was more innocent than the thing with my aunt but to be honest I have no idea what to make of either situation.
7. If you have never experienced one of the above situations, and it is only a fantasy, how does that fantasy make you feel? Do you feel it is something that might happen some day?
Again I avoid awkward situations with my cousin and have almost zero interaction with my aunt.
8. What best describes the environment you were raised in?
Pretty Dysfunctional
Single Parent Household, alcoholic father, extremely small town
9. Have you ever been the victim of sexual abuse outside of events described here?
No I have never been sexually abused
10. What gender are you?
11. Are you gay, straight, bisexual or asexual (not interested in either sex)?
12. How old are you?
13. If you broke any laws, did anyone ever find out?
14. Do you have any comments or suggestions to make the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast better?
Love the show. Especially how it reaches out to all kinds of different people (not just the famous kind). Having said that, I'd like to see an athlete on if at all possible. In a perfect world, a really super famous high priced important athlete on the Mental Pod could be incredibly interesting.