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Respondent Type: Anonymous Response  Collector: Young Male Abused by Older Female Collector (Web Link)
Custom Value: emptyIP Address: empty  
Response Started: Wednesday, May 1, 2013 9:09:23 AM   Response Modified: Wednesday, May 1, 2013 9:42:45 AM
1. Because this subject matter can veer into taboo subject and confessions, it is completely anonymous. Absolutely no personal information is being gathered about you - only your responses to these questions - not even the I.P. address of your computer. My hope is this freedom will enable you to unload your shame and allow others to see they are not alone. Please come up with a nickname to hide your identity in the event I read your responses on the show. If you are feeling suicidal PLEASE call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255.
D.C.
2. Choose any of the following that apply
I am a male who has been seduced by a much older female
I am a male who has been molested by a much older female
3. Please describe what happened and the ages of those involved. If it is a fantasy describe what you would like to happen and the ages of those involved in the fantasy.
My Mom was inappropriate in many ways, sexually, when I was growing up. Especially when I started to go through puberty. Examples were, asking me to take off clothes in front of her before going into the shower, grabbing my butt from behind by surprise in a flirtatious way, talking excitedly about hair growing under my arms, coming into the bathroom when I was in the shower "just to see if there were any dirty clothes,.." My parents had divorced and I became my Mom's "husband/lover" although she would never admit this, nor would others ever point it out or affirm it, I could feel it from the start. There are most definitely other examples of sexual boundaries being violated, though there may be some blocked memories....
4. If something happened, did you ever tell anyone? Did you think it was normal? Do you believe it has had any affect on you?
I never fully began to admit that it was or even might be sexual abuse when I started to listen to your show. All the other adults around thought that my mom was a "great mother," who "loved me very much." It never really thought I could own the term "sexual abuse." I still can't.
5. Remembering these things, what feelings come up? Sadness, anger, regret, sexual excitement, fondness, longing, shame, etc.
There is a feeling of disgust and nausea. I feel a need to cover myself when I see my mom, (you and Phil Hendrie talked about this), and for awhile I only dated women that on some level disgusted me the way my mom disgusted me. I feel shame that it happened, that I was too weak to stop it and "stand up to her," and now I feel guilt that I am so disgusted with her. I feel fear that she will seek me out to destroy me if I talk about this too much....thoug I am in therapy and have been for awhile, I am amazed year after year how deep this thing goes, as if there is some channel from my surface self running to the depths of my soul and she has poisoned this "energetic artery"
6. Do you feel any damage was done, it was innocent and natural, or somewhere in between?
Yes. I've made tremendous progress, though. For several years I hit a point of collapse where I couldn't function. After lots of meditation and therapy and soul work of all sorts, I am happily married, building a career with something I like, and feeling a good amount of peace and contentment day to day.....however, the struggle goes on forever, and there's still more work to be done. I hadn't realized that this was actually a real thing, i.e. what Phil Hendrie called "the seductive mother, " until I heard your show. Incidentally, I was turned on to your show by Phil, and Bobbie Dooley had for years reminded me of my mother. Go figure! What a great episode with that comic genius! So good to hear him be so real and so profound in your living room!
7. If you have never experienced one of the above situations, and it is only a fantasy, how does that fantasy make you feel? Do you feel it is something that might happen some day?
I have dreams of fucking my mom, like Phil mentioned. Less and less as I go on. For years I would have the thought that she was always watching me. I would also feel her sometimes crawling inside my skin, as if it was some possesion and I could almost trace, along chakra lines, the exact places where she dwelled. Much of that is cleared now but there's a specifically sexual aspect of all this that you have called attention to. I think it affects me on levels I'm still not aware of and probably plays itself out in my other relationships....
8. What best describes the environment you were raised in?
Totally Chaotic
The Chaos was not financial. We were solidly middle class and I went to good schools. I used this as a reason not to own the chaotic"insanity of it...
9. Have you ever been the victim of sexual abuse outside of events described here?
No I have never been sexually abused
10. What gender are you?
Male
11. Are you gay, straight, bisexual or asexual (not interested in either sex)?
Straight
12. How old are you?
30-39
13. If you broke any laws, did anyone ever find out?
Not Sure
I don't think I broke any laws other than smoking weed...:)
14. Do you have any comments or suggestions to make the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast better?
Thanks for doing this show, Paul. As I heard you say once, you feel that Oprah and other media figures that bring attention to sexual abuse neglect this type of sexual abuse, I agree. So I encourage you to push for more of a national awareness about it. Plow forward, brother! Bring more and more national attention to mom's who treat their sons like this, I am with you, I will march on motherfucking Capitol Hill about this shit with you....Because this kind of abuse is 2 fold, #1--what our moms did, and #2 the lack of validation we get from much of the world about it and the shame to our capacity for masculine power....May all the heavens and cosmos bless you, Paul....