Roommate compatibility survey:

1.Is your house your:

Party pad

Sanctuary / fortress of solitude/ safe place

Just a place to sleep

Other (please specify)

If you come home, and there is a pizza labeled "DO NOT EAT", what do you do?

Briefly consider legally changing your name to “DO NOT EAT”... but eventually, just order your own pizza instead.

Decide to make your own pizza using available tortilla chips, beef jerky, and pasta sauce! Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. Pass out immediately.

Eat most of it anyway. Cram the remaining pizza down the garbage disposal. You despise passive-aggressive notes.

3.The toilet paper has just run out. You…

Go to the corner store to buy more.

Shit at the gym until someone else buys more.

Use the hand towels/ cut off your shirt sleeves.

4.Choose the best answer. “I do not bring the party home. I do, however, bring _____ home.

Food I found in the dumpster. Its still perfectly good, it was still warm when I found it!

My significant other, who basically unofficially lives in my room.

Stray animals, discarded street furniture, and venereal diseases.

Racked Spray Paint!

None of the above, my home is a sanctuary.

Other (please specify):

5.Define “nonsmoker”:

I dont smoke cigarettes. Weed is cool, though.

I smoke cigarettes.

Weed is cool.

I vape

I smoke only when I drink. Which is every day.

I smoke only after sex or when I’m emotionally unhinged. Which is always.

My room smells like an ashtray. I smell like an ashtray. I am an ashtray.

Your roommate’s parents are in town visiting for the weekend. You…

Temporarily remove the bong from the living room and make polite conversation.

Black out on boxed wine and Xanax. Tell them awkwardly personal stories about your strained relationship with your own parents.

Make sexual advances toward them.

7.You hear sexy noises coming from another room. You…

Turn on the TV and ignore it.

Retaliate by having louder, more theatrical sex.

Retaliate by leaving condoms and abstinence brochures scattered around their door.

Awkwardly stare at their partner the next morning while commenting about the frightening noises you heard. Compare it to a dying giraffe.

Knock on the door and ask if you can watch.

8.What is your relationship status?

I have a partner who will basically live here.

I have multiple partners, who will all basically live here.

I have a partner who will stay over on rare occasions.

I have a partner who will not stay over.

I do not have a partner.

I have lots of partners, and will need you to not mention that to the current fling.

9.Your roommate is in the shower, and you REALLY need to use the bathroom. You

Wait it out.

Shit on the floor and blame the dog

Enter under the guise of “brushing your teeth” and take a sneaky shit while you’re in there.

Shit in a bag, light it on fire, and leave it outside the bathroom door for your roommate to find.

10.Your last roommate would describe you as…

Easy going, reasonable, and well adjusted.

A “free spirit.”

A sexual deviant prone to outbursts and completely detached from reality.

Better then a serial killer, I guess

Current Progress,

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