Pre-Marital Survey Pre-Marital Survey Completion Survey This survey is to document your completion of the Pre-Marital Counseling. My goal is to ensure you are going into your blessed vows with full knowledge, beyond the heart! Read each question and respond! Need each of you to complete this survey! Bless each of you! Pastor Jan OK Question Title * 1. Have you completed the recommended reading, and watched the videos? Yes No OK Question Title * 2. FINANCES AND LEGAL ISSUES: Have you all addressed the following questions? CLICK EACH THAT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DISCUSSED. Does either of you have an interest in creating a prenuptial agreement? Now is the time to discuss why, or why not. (No, getting a prenup does not mean that you’re going to get divorced.) Has either of you ever been arrested or involved in any legal (criminal or civil) situations? Do you have any open court cases? How do you each plan to approach wills, and what you’ll pass on to your spouse (or someone else)? OK Question Title * 3. FAMILY, RELATIONSHIPS, AND SEX: Have you all addressed the following questions? CLICK EACH THAT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DISCUSSED. How do you and your partner define and think about family? What kind of family will your marriage create, and how will it impact your existing families? Which relationships are important to you and your partner in your lives, and how will they interact with your marriage? Are children, parents, siblings, extended family, or family of choice important to you? Do you have previous marriages or children? What is important to you in a sexual relationship? How do you feel about monogamy? What do you define as infidelity? OK Question Title * 4. MENTAL HEALTH, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, TRAUMA, AND MEDICAL ISSUES: Have you all addressed the following questions? CLICK EACH THAT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DISCUSSED. Have you or your partner ever been diagnosed with a mental health, substance abuse, or medical issue? Have you ever experienced abuse, a serious accident, or another trauma? What was useful in helping you recover, and how can your partner support you if something comes up again? Has anyone in your family struggled with mental health, substance abuse, or medical problems? How has it impacted you, and how might it impact your marriage? On a day-to-day basis? In the long run? OK Question Title * 5. CULTURAL SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES: Have you all addressed the following questions? CLICK EACH THAT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DISCUSSED. How do you and your partner think about culture? What cultures do you and your partner come from, and what kind of culture do you want to create together? OK Question Title * 6. WHERE YOU WILL LIVE (AND HOW LONG YOU WILL STAY): Have you all addressed the following questions? CLICK EACH THAT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DISCUSSED. How will location factor into establishing your marriage? Will you live in the same place for many years, move around, or travel? How do family, friends, and work obligations play into location? What is important to you and your partner in thinking about location? OK Question Title * 7. Have you all addressed the following questions? CLICK EACH THAT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DISCUSSED. Past: When it comes to planning for a marriage it’s crucial to talk about your past, because the past has a role in shaping the present. Whether your past is tainted with pain, or filled with hope- you need to get real with where you come from. Past relationships, family history, and significant experiences (both positive and negative) that have shaped you are just some of the things that need to be discussed as you look back- so that you can join together in moving forward. Family: What role will your family play in your life once you are married? How will visits, holidays, and special occasions impact your relationship with one another? Will you start your own traditions, or continue those of your family of origin? What role will our family have when it comes to our life and decision making? Combining two people from two separate families into one is something that many people take lightly. But it’s a topic that can cause much strain and stress if not tackled in part before you say I do. Sex: Our views of sex and sexuality are shaped long before we commit to marriage. It’s crucial to get comfortable with this topic of conversation, because it’s one that you’ll carry on for the rest of your married life. What are your views of sex, and how have they been shaped? What is your past sexual history and how might that impact your relationship? What expectations do you have and are you on the same page? Understanding your sexual views and knowing your partner’s is a valuable part of preparing for intimacy. Secrets: I get a lot of questions from people wondering when is the right time to share “secrets”- the parts of your life that you rarely share with others. There is no better time to share these intimate things than now, as you look ahead at marriage. From family secrets, to personal choices, from health problems to mental health concerns, this is the time to share things big and small, paving the way for honesty and openness as the foundation of your relationship. Expectations: Because expectations are such a deep-seated part of who we are, we don’t often think about them. But talking about these things gives us a chance to bring them to the surface in a constructive way. What are your views on work, family, and marriage roles? How will you accomplish the cooking, the cleaning and the chores? This is just skimming the surface of the things we may expect going into marriage, and it’s an important conversation to have. Money: It’s amazing how such a seemingly benign topic before marriage, can become such a trigger after. Too many couples get caught in the trap of financial stress and struggles because they didn’t take the time to discuss the finances How do you feel about combining money? What are your spending habits? Do you have any debt and how are you going to pay it off? What are your views on saving, tithing, and giving? Getting on the same page when it comes to money will save you so much strain as you soon become one. Faith: When it comes to genuine faith, it’s a part of you that should be oozing out of your life long before marriage. But just as important as it is to retain our individual relationship with God, it’s important to connect in our faith experiences as we look toward marriage. Discussions about prayer life, reading God’s word, spiritual roles, theological beliefs, and denominational preferences are all things that need to be considered and discussed as you move forward. Children: Above and beyond dreaming about baby names, there is so much more to the topic of family planning before marriage. How many children do you hope to have? What happens if you aren’t able to get pregnant? How were you parented, and what are your personal views on parenting? Who will take care of the children, and what are your views on day-care, schooling, and the like. There are many important aspects to this topic that would be beneficial to take the time to discuss and work through. Boundaries: Essentially, boundaries are your views on what is okay and what is not okay when it comes to your relationship and marriage. What do boundaries look like with friends of the opposite sex, past boyfriends/girlfriends, and even family members. How will we protect our time, guard our emotions, and prevent our bodies from negative interactions with others? Struggles: One thing I know about marriage, is that it magnifies everything. Your strengths…and your weaknesses. Before you enter the pressure-cooker of marriage, you need to get real with your bad-habits and hang-ups here and now. Do you have a tendency to express anger through rage? Do you struggle with any addictive behaviors? Are there any areas in your life that you need to expose and address before you move forward toward marriage? Take the time to talk frankly and honestly about your struggles, and make the time to work toward hope and healing. OK Question Title * 8. Please click the appropriate vow below and THEN SELECT OTHER & include your name, email, and cell number or home phone number HUSBAND: I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife. With the deepest joy, I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His Spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband. WIFE: I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With the deepest joy, I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife. Other: PLEASE include your name, email, and cell number or home phone number. OK DONE