Love After Betrayal: 16 Strategies for Couples to Thrive

1.Are you a woman who experienced relational betrayal and are currently in your marriage/committed relationship?
2.Are you a man who struggles with compulsive sexuality or pornography addiction and was unfaithful in your marriage/committed relationship?
3.What country do you live in?
4.How long have you been married or in a committed relationship:
5.What is the current status of your relationship?
6.Approximately how long has it been since initial discovery
of sexual behaviors/pornography?
7.For the betrayed WOMAN: Approximately how much of your counseling, groups, workshops, podcasts, and reading has been with Faithful & True?
8.For the MAN who has betrayed: Approximately how much of your counseling, groups, workshops, podcasts, and reading has been with Faithful & True?
9.Have you had Full Disclosure (his offering complete information of sexual acting out behaviors)?
10.Was Full Disclosure experienced with professional help?
11.Were details included in Full Disclosure from
12.Have you both committed to telling the truth after Full Disclosure?
13.Have you both committed to not pursuing divorce for a period of time?
14.If yes, for how long?
15.Have you both participated in individual counseling?
16.If no, who did not participate in individual counseling?
17.Have you participated in couples counseling?
18.For the WOMAN: Do you currently or have you ever participated in a group with women who have been betrayed in their marriage?
19.For the MAN: Do you currently or have you ever participated in a group with men who have struggled with compulsive sexual behaviors or addiction?
20.As a couple, are you emotionally safe with each other?
21.As a couple, are you physically safe with each other?
22.As a couple, are you sexually safe with each other?
23.As a couple, are you financially safe with each other?
24.As a couple, are you spiritually safe with each other?
25.Do you 'own' or apologize when you have done something hurtful or behaved in a way that you didn't like?
26.For the Woman: Have you explored your own childhood issues?
27.For the MAN: Have you explored your own childhood issues?
28.As a couple, are you becoming companions on the healing journey (share what you are learning, ask for each other's input, build community for each and the coupleship, want what is best for each other, etc.)
29.For the WOMAN: Do you pursue help for anxiety if that is a problem for you?
30.For the WOMAN: Do you pursue help for depression if that is a problem for you?
31.For the WOMAN: Do you pursue help for ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) if that is a problem for you
32.For the WOMAN: Do you pursue help for sleep issues if that is a problem for you?
33.For the WOMAN: Do you pursue help for other mental health diagnoses if they are a problem for you?
34.For the MAN: Do you pursue help for anxiety if that is a problem for you?
35.For the MAN: Do you pursue help for depression if that is a problem for you?
36.For the MAN: Do you pursue help for ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) if that is a problem for you?
37.For the MAN: Do you pursue help for sleep issues if they are a problem for you?
38.For the MAN: Do you pursue help for any other mental health diagnoses if they are a problem for you?
39.How do you define your current sexual relationship?
40.Have you had a need to separate for longer than 2 weeks?
41.If yes, was it guided by a professional to be used as a 'redemptive separation'?
42.If yes, was it helpful to focus on yourself and your needs rather than the marriage for a time?
43.Do you have a spiritual life together?
44.For the WOMAN: have you forgiven or are you in the process of forgiving your husband/partner for his unfaithfulness?
45.For the MAN: Have you forgiven or are in the process of forgiving your wife/partner for ways she has hurt you in the past?
46.Have you found purpose in your pain (or in other words, growth in your character, relationship, and faith) as you have moved through sexual addiction/relational betrayal recovery?
47.As a couple, are you experiencing more fun/play in your relationship (other than sexual)?
48.For the WOMAN: Have you accepted that your husband/partner is not a perfect person and cannot meet all of your needs and desires? (This is not referring to sobriety.)
49.For the MAN: have you accepted that your wife/partner is not a perfect person and cannot meet all of your needs and desires?
50.Are you working on building new vision for the future (being intentional)?
51.I believe that in our relationship, telling the truth to each other is a high value for both of us.
52.We both commit to working on ourselves as well as our marriage.
53.We do not use threats of divorcing when we have a disagreement.
54.We are learning that taking a time apart (separation) can help each of us focus on ourselves and be more prepared to reenter the relationship.
55.We are learning to be safe people with each other, emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, and financially.
56.Instead of blaming each other, we practice owning (or apologizing) for hurtful things we say or do on a daily basis.
57.We have both examined our earlier life experiences so that we can talk to each other about how they affected our current behaviors.
58.We are becoming companions, and we know that we are there for each other.
59.We both seek to have healthy brains and work on any mental health issues we have (e.g., anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, sleep disorders, PTSD--posttraumatic stress disorder).
60.We are practicing including each other in our spiritual journey.
61.We long to serve, not just submit to, one another in our relationship.
62.We are allowing sexuality to be an expression of our emotional and spiritual connection, not just a biological means of connecting.
63.We are in the process of forgiving one another for past hurts.
64.We are learning how to have more fun together.
65.Although we have been through great pain with sexual addiction/betrayal, we are finding how God is using that trauma for our growth and his purpose.
66.We acknowledge that no one is perfect on earth, and therefore, we are surrendering our expectation that we can meet all the desires or needs of our spouse. Only God has that ability.