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"Edward" is 86. [Note: The story could also apply to "Edith" who has breast metastatic breast cancer rather than prostate cancer.] After a successful career as a mechanical engineer/teacher, s/he retired. That was fifteen years ago. His wife/husband of 54 years died three years ago. He has one child, a daughter named Julie.
Six years ago, he received the diagnosis of dementia, probable Alzheimer's type. The dementia has progressed so that now it is severe (advanced stage). For the last year, he has not been able to recognize anyone, including his daughter. He cannot recall any significant event of his life. He cannot express any wish or feeling using words or gestures. He requires total care for feeding, bathing, eating, and for bowel and urinary incontinence.
A few weeks ago, Edward started screeching loudly. For hours, he calls out, "Mommy! Daddy!" His face is twisted with a fearful grimace and his whole body is agitated as he shakes both fists. The shouting continues until he becomes exhausted. Then he sleeps awhile, but when he wakes up, his horror resumes. Two days ago, Edward struck out and hit his daughter as she approached him with a warm soapy sponge—a caring way to clean him that had previously been routine and seemed a source of enjoyment.
More worried about her father's severe mental anguish than feeling upset at being hit, Julie requested the opportunity to discuss treatment options with Edward's physician.
Julie could hardly wait for the doctor to close the door of the skilled nursing facility's conference room to ask him, "For months, my father has seemed totally unable to enjoy any aspect of his life. Do you agree? Will he ever will enjoy life again?"
The physician frowned and shook his head. "Extremely unlikely."
"What about eating? He still eats. Can he still enjoy eating?" she asked, desperately.
"No. As you know, Edward lost the ability to feed himself and he no longer knows how to eat with a spoon, or drink with a straw. He still accepts food and fluid by mouth as long as another person assists the process. But the food must be thickened puree. Otherwise, it might slip into his lungs, which could lead to a lethal pneumonia. The puree must be placed at the very back of his tongue to stimulate his reflex to swallow. So he gets no pleasure from chewing and tasting."
Julie then asked, "What about my father's other medical diagnosis… his prostate cancer?"
"Initially his cancer was treated with radioactive implants. Often that provides years of cancer-free survival. But your father is otherwise a rather healthy man, and he has lived so long that his cancer came back. Relapses after many years do happen. Eventually, if he continues to live, the prostate cancer will metastasize, that is spread, to his bones. That could be challenging since bone pain is very intense and difficult to treat. Also, Edward has no way to tell us if he is in pain, or to indicate how much pain. So he might be suffering from pain that is not treated at all, or at best is undertreated."
Julie thought a while, knowing that as her father's Proxy, she was now responsible for making his medical treatment decisions. Her tone softened as she asked, "Doctor, I'd like you to tell me all my father's options, okay?"