Chuck's Ultimate Music Fan Survey, Part I
Exit this survey
. Who Are You?
Who Are You?
A bulldozer with a wrecking ball attached
The Key Master
A dust mite trapped in the existential void
. Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
That depends… did you really eat my last Devil Dog?
. What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?
What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?
Take a shower, hippie
“Funny?” I’ll tell you what’s funny—your lame lounge crooner career
Nothing, absolutely nothing
Hey Elvis, the New Left called and they want you to rejoin them in the year 1968
. How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
Use that stuff from the infomercial
Atlantic City + $300 + a gallon of lube + four Asian hookers
Red House Painters records and herbal tea
Chili. Lots and lots of chili.
. Why Can't I Be You?
Why Can't I Be You?
Uh, maybe you should consult Heidegger on the metaphysics of presence
Because you’re a goth loser
You can, I’d change places with you immediately
Why can’t you be I?
. How Soon is Now?
How Soon is Now?
Time is relative; I refuse to answer
. Do You Know What I Mean?
Do You Know What I Mean?
Yeah, I get it, you want to bang other people
Depends on what you mean by “mean”
Umm… if you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you?
You’re still mad I taped over Cagney and Lacey, aren’t you?
. Who's Sorry Now?
Who's Sorry Now?
Everyone in that Baton Rouge Applebee’s
Pee Wee (for being mean to Francis)
Herman Cain’s left testicle
The cast and crew of “Dinner for Schmucks”
. What's a Girl to Do?
What's a Girl to Do?
Get back at him by sleeping with me
Probably buy another pair of shoes
Give in, get the implants
Probably what any incompetent guy cut off from reason would do
. How Low Can a Punk Get?
How Low Can a Punk Get?
Shitting in a napkin
Isn’t the operative question “How smelly can a punk get?”
Excuse me, Mr. H.R., I believe the more elegant syntax would be “A punk can get how low?”
Up the punks!
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